Curious George is the lovable monkey who entertains children around the world with funny stories of his antics. Many books, cartoon, and even movies have been created chronicling this monkey’s misadventures.

Don’t be fooled! I tell you this monkey does not need to be adored nor encouraged. He needs to be locked up or shipped back to Africa. His antics have caused countless people pain and suffering all so some dude in a yellow hat can have an exotic pet.

Not convinced this monkey is a menace to society? Here are the facts:

• He causes pandemonium anywhere and everywhere. Where oh where has Curious George found an opportunity to cause problems? So far he has caused problems in an aquarium, zoo, pizzeria, baseball field, airport, in a dump truck, on a fishing boat, fire station, at the ballet, the beach, while sledding, in a laundromat, restaurant, circus, police station, railroad station, amusement park, ice cream shop, school, campground, air show, chocolate factory, hot air balloon, parade, costume party, and surprise party. Clearly no place is sacred.
• He consorts with odd characters. The company one keeps is often an indicator of what that person themselves is like. Well, Curious George most often associates himself with a man who is known only as “The Man with the Yellow Hat”. He has no name. He has no history. He always wears yellow. Maybe he is he Curious George’s “big banana”?
• He’s been causing mischief and mayhem for over 65 years. Incidents and accidents surrounding Curious George have been recorded since 1941. His antics has seen 12 Presidents, two new states, 19 World Series winners, five wars, two impeachments…. do I need to go on?
• He is the devil’s progeny. The fact that the monkey is over 65 years old and vibrant should be enough to raise the specter that Satan is somehow attached to this beast. Chimpanzees rarely reach 40 years of age in the wild yet this elderly chimpanzee has easily surpassed that and acts like he is still a child. Only the darkest magic can explain such an event.

In conclusion, responsible parents would not expose their children to such an evil, reprehensible creature. Have them watch Blue’s Clues or Bob the Builder instead.